


torn up, outside in

by OverexcitedDragon



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Barebacking, Creampie, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Face-Fucking, Gon bottoms, Killua gets stressed out and Gon lets him use him to chill out, M/M, Mindbreak, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Rimming, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Violent Sex, and he's good at it, cockslut!Gon, fucktoy!Gon, mentions of Gon's canon past of being essentially molested by grown women, thats it thats the fic, theyre TWELVE don't read this if this makes you uncomfortable fucking dumbasses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:28:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24429499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OverexcitedDragon/pseuds/OverexcitedDragon
Summary: "Killing is bad," Killua learned after meeting Gon. "Torturing too."Being unable to let out one's anger the only way they've known how their entire life can be bothersome and frustrating.It's okay, though.Gon helps, in the only way he knows how.
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 33
Kudos: 304





	torn up, outside in

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a top!Gon kinda man but Killua can have little a topping sometimes, as a treat

It was an arrangement no one was really  _ happy  _ about, but then again, there was little to feel about it at all.

There was, apparently, something about being brought up on torture and neglect and being told that murder was your only purpose that made it difficult for one to reign in their instincts, so Gon... helped.

_ Helped _ , he called it, though a better way to describe it was that he  _ sat there and took it _ .

He didn’t like calling it that, though, Gon knew it was helpful to redirect the anger, the violence, and the animalistic instincts somewhere more... productive. There was only so much sparring he could do with Killua before their pubescent bodies showed signs of  _ hormones _ , so sometimes (more often than he’d like to admit to anyone else, really) he redirected it  _ elsewhere _ .

Gon knew desperate touch starvation when he saw it - be it from the older ladies that were left stranded by their cheating fishermen husbands on Whale Island, or from Killua, whose first hug was probably at 12 years of age from Gon himself.

And for as long as he remembered, he helped these people.

He was good at it, too.

There was little Gon didn't enjoy about the desperate touches of someone whose scars reached deep inside their heart, even if it involved a little bit of biting and choking on their part. It was a little masochistic of him to feel pleasure flooding through his body when Killua squeezed his wrists too tightly, or when his blood flow was expertly cut by daft fingers around his neck, or even when he was filled to the brim raw and fast without warning, but Gon could never get enough of the adrenaline that filled him when pain and pleasure swirled together.

Plus… it helped.  _ He _ helped. So it was  _ fine _ .

He knew that some people would judge him, judge  _ Killua _ , and that was okay, they didn’t have to know. This was  _ theirs _ , Gon and Killua’s. All the blood, bruising, moaning, sobbing, and choking that led to a body-wracking orgasm which, without fail, kicked Gon out of this realm of reality. It was unquestionably theirs.

Tonight was no different.

The usual choking didn’t come from calloused hands, though, it came when Killua pinned Gon’s head to the pillow by the hair, coaxed his lips open, and thrust deep into his throat. It wasn’t unheard of for Killua to do so, though the position this time was awkward for Gon. There wasn’t much to do at all but to just lie there and have his throat fucked by Killua.

Killua’s eyes were still glazed over from the pent up frustration and anger of an especially bloody match that day, an icy blue maelstrom Gon could barely see behind the tears blurring his vision or the hair covering Killua’s face.

It was okay, though. Soon enough, Killua’s eyes would clear. They always did.

The taste of salt and the strong smell of musk made Gon’s head swirl. His keen sense of smell made these situations a lot harder to deal with, especially if they started right after training or battling. It wasn’t all bad, though, it was still undeniably  _ Killua _ . Killua’s sweat and grime and his scent of battle and  _ bloodthirst _ , making Gon’s whole body shiver with an adrenaline he otherwise only felt when his fists were bloody and his eyes were sharp.

It felt  _ good _ . It was  _ nice _ . In the same way a rollercoaster was nice, really.

Even when the cock slid so far into his throat his breathing stopped, even when the hand in his hair pulled a bit too tightly, even when his nose pressed painfully against Killua’s abdomen, and even when the corners of his vision slowly darkened… it felt good,  _ so, so good _ .

Gon wondered faintly if he was about to black out; an unfortunate but inconsequential side effect that he had dealt with before and wouldn’t mind dealing with again, though he usually preferred being awake while Killua had his way with him.

But before Gon’s eyes fluttered shut, Killua pulled back, cock sliding out with a sickly wet cough from the other boy, saliva coating and webbing from his tip to Gon’s red, used lips, only to fall in thick drops over his neck and chest.

Gon barely had the time to catch his breath before it was stolen once again, but this time by Killua’s lips.

It felt dirty to kiss when they were fucking it out like  _ that _ . Gon had a nagging voice in the back of his mind telling him they should keep some distance between affection and pent up aggression, so every time, without fail, Gon pushed away.

But Killua was always stronger.

Fingers dug into Gon’s cheeks, slowly and painfully forcing his mouth open. The taste of salt was still strong enough to keep his head hazy, so he unwillingly gave way for Killua’s tongue to press and prod at his own. Gon tasted poison in the way Killua kissed, sharp teeth and piercing tongue digging into every inch of his abused mouth and lips.

Gon somehow had a harder time breathing now than he did moments before.

Killua kissed him fast and dirty, one hand undoing Gon’s shorts and pushing down his own half undone pants while the other tangled and pulled at Gon’s hair, further abusing his scalp. He pressed his friend hard against the soft mattress, making Gon disappear under sheets and pillows and  _ Killua _ .

It suited him well, really, to just lie there and take it, for his child-like frame to be engulfed under Killua’s milky muscles and hardened bones. Gon felt like he belonged there.

Even if it hurt.

Even if it made him tear up just a little.

By the time Killua was done stealing Gon’s breath through his lips, their pants were off and Gon’s legs were wrapped around the boy’s waist, searching for some friction in Killua’s own spit-slick erection, grinding hard and fast enough to just  _ hurt _ .

Gon emerged from the kiss gasping for air like he’d been drowning--and  _ god _ , staring into the icy blue depths of Killua’s eyes, he felt he truly could.

It always felt…  _ wrong _ to look at Killua like this. It was like having sex with an animal more than his best friend, and as pleasurable as it was, Gon always felt a tinge of fear rise in his throat like bile.

_ It’s fine _ , he would then tell himself.  _ It’s Killua _ .

_ It’s just Killua _ .

He repeated that in his head as his fingers gently stroked white hair, as his legs locked around soft skin, as his tears dried with the heat of their bodies.

Killua’s eyes cleared ever so slightly, a single ray of sunshine spilling from between thick clouds to lay on icy waters… and his expression softened. No more a hardened and trained stone mask; now there was something like affection and even clarity to it.

Gon felt hands slowly detangling his legs and turning him around on his stomach, only so careful hard bites were placed all over the soft skin of his neck, nape, and back. Little sharp indents that hardly just marked and often drew blood. He didn’t even think of protesting, though… there was something thrilling about Killua writing his affection all over Gon with teeth and claws like an excited, untrained puppy.

There was not much more to  _ endure  _ at this point. No more blackout choking or claws digging through fat and muscle to keep him still… and although Gon still enjoyed those just as well, there was an endurance factor, even a layer of  _ nen _ at times, needed to properly  _ take it _ .

They rarely used more than just spit as lube, but it wasn’t an issue for Gon, who was well used to sex anyways. His issue was really the  _ manner _ in which Killua prepare him. When Killua bit and sucked on his thighs, Gon immediately groaned with the knowledge of what was to come. A thumb slowly pressed inside Gon, pulling his twitching hole open for Killua’s tongue to slowly lick a trail from his taint to his opening, snaking deep inside, wet and thick and driving Gon absolutely  _ insane _ with embarrassment.

Killua enjoyed this too much and Gon knew from experience that trying to stop him would just mean it would last  _ longer _ , so he just buried his hands under the pillow to press it hard against his face, drowning hiccuping moans in cotton and feathers.

Killua’s tongue fucked him like Gon was his death row meal, drooling so heavily Gon could feel spit trailing down his taint, balls and thighs. It was horribly shameful and the wet noises just made it all so much  _ worse _ . Gon instinctively closed his legs to try and limit Killua’s access, but that only served to make his fingers dig into Gon's plump cheeks and spread him wide open.

It wasn’t that Gon  _ hated it _ \-- in fact, it was quite the opposite. 

It was  _ way  _ too arousing, to the point where Gon felt he could cum from that alone. It made him feel bare, vulnerable,  _ helpless _ . Gon’s limbs became soft and useless, and his brain became a wad of cotton, only good enough to make him drool and whine.

Killua sucked and licked at his hole for long enough that Gon was sure his twitching cock was going to burst. But just as his body buzzed and shook and his moans became desperate sobs, Gon felt the head of Killua’s cock rub against him, painfully slow.

“Killua, _ please _ …”

The voice that came out was barely his own, and Gon wondered if the words he had moaned were intelligible at all.

“Then say it.”

Killua’s words were heavy with pleasure, but much steadier.

“No, no… it’s embarrassing…”

“ _ Say it,  _ Gon.”

Gon’s lips closed and opened a million times, slick and wet and wanting, but there was still a sliver of shame Killua didn’t manage to lick out of him.

“Killua, please,  _ I _ …”

The tip of his cock barely pushed into Gon’s hole, stretching him open just enough to make his mouth water. He tried to press back, but Killua moved away so the friction was  _ gone _ .

Gon just  _ sobbed _ . “ _ Killua _ …”

“C’mon, Gon, say it…”

Gon gritted his teeth, his face and chest a violent red, but at this point he was way too desperate to think of how Killua would later on tease him for his words or actions. So Gon turned his head to face Killua from the corner of his watery eyes and moved his aching hands from under the pillow to his ass, spreading his cheeks open.

In a single broken breath, he uttered out, “Please fuck me, Killua. Please, I need it…  _ I need you inside me _ ...”

Killua’s eyes went wide, animalistic.

When Killua pushed inside in a single thrust, Gon was sure the moan that left his aching throat rocked the windows around them. There was little space left in his mind for shame at this point. It didn’t matter if people heard. In fact, his whole body shivered at the thought of people  _ knowing _ ; knowing he belonged to Killua, knowing his whole body was enveloped and  _ filled _ by Killua.

And Killua filled him  _ perfectly _ , over and over and  _ over _ ; skin slapping hard against skin, wet and dirty noises echoing around them. Gon’s face pressed so hard against the pillow there was barely room to take a single breath.

Not that he needed to.

All Gon needed now was  _ Killua _ , bloodthirsty and covering Gon’s body with his own; slowly but surely coming back from a violent haze by using Gon like a fuck toy.

There was something absolutely filthy about it, and that was exactly what Gon enjoyed.

The filth.

The ramming, the grunting, the sweating, the pure animalistic feel of it all… it was the most  _ human _ Killua ever allowed himself to be, and it was all just for  _ Gon _ .

Killua’s cock pressed deep inside him, at an angle that made Gon’s whole body shudder.

He was suddenly reminded of his own cock bobbing underneath him.  _ Oh, right _ , Gon thought weakly, as if the idea of getting pleasure from anything but Killua fucking him was secondary and dismissable.

Gon’s hand moved towards his own cock, finding it already leaking precum all over the bedsheets. He pumped himself quick and hard at the rhythm Killua set with his own thrusts. It was all just utterly  _ overwhelming _ , and Gon found it hard not to lose his mind right then and there.

He had tried often to cum along with Killua, though it was nothing but a romantic suggestion. More often than not, Gon came way too soon, then came dry again as Killua continued to relentlessly fuck Gon until he was done with him.

This seemed like that kind of night.

It wasn’t long before Killua thrust at an angle that made Gon’s back arch and his brain went blank. He rammed that spot like his life depended on it, though the last remnants of Gon’s mind were under the impression that Killua most likely didn’t even notice what he was doing to him, how he was slowly killing every rational thought and bodily control within Gon. Soon enough, pleasure rocked through every cell in Gon’s body, his eyes rolled back and his jaw fell slack with a silent scream as a violent orgasm rippled through his whole body.

The relentless pumping of Killua’s hips extended Gon’s orgasm to the point the boy started sobbing, but Killua never even paused, only dug his fingers in Gon’s hair and  _ pulled _ , hard enough for his spine to bow.

Gon’s hole was sensitive enough that he attempted to push Killua away, but all Gon could manage with his weak limbs was to turn on his side. Killua’s hand immediately hooked on his knee and pushed it up to Gon’s chest, stretching his hamstrings painfully as Killua leaned over to kiss the tears off his friend’s cheeks.

“Gon…” Killua breathed out. This time, Gon realized hazily, in a much more familiar tone.

He somehow managed to give Killua a sloppy semblance of a kiss, tasting salt and tears in chapped lips.

With Gon’s knee secured over Killua’s right shoulder, his left hand moved to wrap around Gon’s neck, holding him down as they kissed erratically.

It was barely choking, really, just a gentle clasping of fingers over arteries, almost a loving promise as Killua fucked him slow and hard.

It drove Gon  _ insane _ .

Soon enough another wave of orgasm hit him, though it was more pain than pleasure. Dry and raw, it froze Gon's whole body like electricity coursing through his veins, his eyes rolled back and his lips parted in a choked cry.

When his mind cleared, Gon heard Killua chuckling softly.

“You’re a mess,” He said. He licked at Gon’s tears with a teasing smirk.

Gon wondered how Killua seemed so well composed, wondered if it wasn’t actually normal to be drooling and sobbing and shaking during sex, but he had too little energy to spend on self consciousness. Hell, he barely had any to keep his eyes open as it was.

Killua’s rhythm was much slower now, less desperate, but it somehow made the aching burn in Gon’s ass harder to ignore. Killua sat up on his knees, fingers slipping away from Gon’s neck. Killua lowered Gon’s leg from his shoulder so the other boy was lying on his back without an awkward twist to his spine, and then continued to fuck Gon slowly and deliberately.

“What are you smiling for? You’re such a weirdo…” Killua scoffed, playing with the cum on Gon’s stomach just to make a bigger mess of it.

“‘M not smilin’...” Gon moaned out.

“You are, you fucking pervert. It’s weird.”

Was it really? Then why was Killua grinning like that? Was smiling not weird when Killua did it…?

It looked so malicious too, like he was staring down prey.

Some mixture of fear and pleasure stirred in his gut. Gon’s legs spread out wider despite himself.

Killua’s teeth looked so sharp framed by the ceiling lights.

A pair of hands slowly, gently laced around Gon’s neck. Gon’s own hands moved to clasp against the offending wrists-- not to stop them, to pull them closer.

“You’re filthy.”

Drool coated Gon’s cheek and tears blurred his vision as the fingers tightened around his skin.

It was all so wonderful, the choking, the aching, the way Killua felt inside him… slowly stretching him open, reshaping Gon’s insides…

“Look at you, you love this.”

Gon did love it. Every touch, every scratch, every bite, every time his mind gave up and thought of nothing but Killua’s cock sliding in and out of him, in and out, in and out…

The fingers tightened.

“Do you like it when I hurt you?”

Gon nodded, lips parted in a plea silenced by the hands deftly shutting off his circulation.

“Do you like it when I use you like that? Just fuck you and hurt you to get the edge off…?”

Gon felt a smile forming in his face, but he was sure it looked off. His vision was slowly getting blurry…

“Where do you want me to cum, Gon? Beg for it, c’mon…”

The words were so, so hard to mutter, but through layers of drool and the lack of oxygen in his brain, Gon managed to barely choke out, “Ins...ide… me…  _ please… _ ”

Killua’s grin was sharp and clear amid the darkening edges of Gon’s vision.

The thrusts grew faster, more violent. Using Gon’s neck as a handle, Killua’s cock hit a deep and painful and  _ wonderful  _ spot inside him, over and over, until Gon nearly passed out as his body rocked to Killua’s rhythm.

But once again, as if Killua knew exactly when to stop, the hands moved from Gon's neck at the last second. They then gently cupped his head and wrapped around his waist. Killua’s lips clashed against Gon’s own breathless lips, bodies so close together there was no discerning where Gon ended and Killua began, and then he felt his insides  _ filled _ .

Cum coated Gon’s thighs in between erratic thrusts as Killua’s whole body twitched and rocked.

When Killua came during these nights it was desperate and near anguished, like the stress left his body with every thrust, only to be tucked neatly inside Gon.

And Gon took it well. He enjoyed it throughout, and then he held Killua’s limp body on top of his own when it was done. He tangled his legs around Killua’s waist to keep him inside for as long as possible, and stroked Killua’s hair until the boy just fell asleep.

Then, Gon fell asleep just as well, knowing the Killua waking up would be  _ his _ Killua.

-

When Gon awoke it was because the heavy body on top of his was pressing down on his stomach uncomfortably. He gently rolled Killua over, wincing at the softened dick finally pulling out from inside him.

Before getting up, Gon took a moment to just look at Killua, at his round cheeks and gently curved eyebrows, at his heavy eyelids and the little line of drool that softened his expression... sound asleep, like a child.

Well… like the child he  _ was _ , except now he actually  _ looked  _ like he was twelve years of age, rather than old and battered by years of abuse and torture.

These were the only nights, Gon realized, in which Killua seemed to sleep soundly.

He gently laid a kiss on Killua’s forehead, amazed at how undisturbed the boy was by being moved, touched, and watched in his sleep. Gon gently stroked silver hair.

He sighed heavily, finally feeling the aching in his bones, skin, and insides setting in with a slow crescendo. He got up to check tonight’s damage in the mirror, and when Gon finally saw the aftermath, he winced at the very prominent marks peppering his skin.

Most of the time he could get away with calling them training injuries or battle bruises. He was a kid, after all, and adults seemed happy enough to wave it off as “kids get hurt often.” But it was always much harder to justify very obvious hand prints and bite marks all over his neck and back.

Gon cared little about hiding his sexual life from whoever asked (who cared anyways? It was a common, natural and human thing), but his concern was having others turn against Killua, taking barely a glance at his bruises and concluding, with no context to speak of, that Killua was forcing Gon into something wretched.

He took a wet cloth to his neck and legs, soothing the pain and cleaning the sweat, spit, and cum that coated so much of his skin.

Gon would think up a lie, surely. Killua would help too when he awoke.

Meanwhile, he should start buttoning up his turtleneck all the way once again.

**Author's Note:**

> If you get pissy in the comments about their age after I've already warned you off this fic it means I won and you lost
> 
> Follow me on my SFW art twt @overexciteddrgn, on my NSFW art twt @overexcitedwyrm, or on my stupid personal twt for porn RTing and rambling @overexposedboyo


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